Recently, I was talking to a friend about how she wanted to rent an apartment because the elders in her family were always using their property to force her to do so. "All day long, they keep saying that if we don't obey him, he won't give us a dime, but no one has any desire for property, and they don't care about his house, so it would be better for us to find an apartment and move out and become independent. Her angry and helpless look reminded me of a similar situation at DA's dad's house.
I was a very independent child from a young age. Before Dahlia was born, I had been dating my dad for 7 years, but his parents were very traditional and never liked me, because they knew my family was single and abusive, and they said, "No one in our family gets divorced! Even though I have a better salary and education than his son, and I am the one who takes care of both of our lives, they still remind me to break up with my dad from time to time.
The way they do it is just like "Our family has saved a lot of money over the years, if you go out with her again, we won't leave you the house! Or "I've already saved up the wedding fund for you, but if it's Rose, we won't give a dime." DA's father was a weakling, but he was in love at that time. DA's father became more courageous in protecting me, and when he heard this, he would immediately argue on my behalf, "She's not the kind of girl who cares about money."
Because of this, he mentioned to me that his parents always talked about "money" when he was a child, and "emotionally blackmailed" the child, whether it was "if you don't get the first place in the exams, you won't get any pocket money! They would say, "If you don't get top grades, you won't get any pocket money!" and "If you don't do what we want you to do after spending so much money on your education, I'm going to have to ask you to pay back for the money you spent on tutoring. I once heard him yelling at his parents on the phone, saying that they "only threaten him with money".
I couldn't help but think that although my father wouldn't threaten me with money, the common saying, "You sisters, if you hadn't run into me, you'd be wandering around somewhere! I'm your Buddha, get it right!" (But we are his own...), or to quote the lyrics of a popular song, "I'm the one who loves you the most, how can you let me be sad?"
When I come across this kind of "emotional blackmail", not only do I feel disgusted, but I also want to run away as far as possible. However, I know that many people are attracted to this kind of blackmail, and they will be convinced and compromised by this kind of method, which will leave them in a long-term unwillingness to accept the situation until one day they cannot repress their emotions, which will result in a bigger backlash and a family crisis.
Why does this happen? To put it bluntly, it is actually a lack of respect for the child, not considering the child to be an individual, and using affection, money, and authority to bind the child, asking the child to follow their own arrangements and ideas, and if they don't obey, they will be "unfilial" and "rebellious", while ignoring the fact that the child will grow up, and that this kind of threatened "emotional blackmail" will only result in a gap between the two generations.
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