Elders love their grandchildren but are possessive, and sometimes they can't get rid of the negative language they are accustomed to using to communicate with them, so they are worried about whether it will indirectly affect their children's personality. This is a common problem for many families in Taiwan, and Dr. Huang offers advice from another perspective.
"I live with my in-laws and my brother-in-law, I am often interfered with and disciplined, but the biggest problem is that my mother-in-law is not able to get along with my grandchildren, I want to separate them, but it's really difficult to live under the same roof. My grand mom always uses negative language to communicate with the kids and sometimes even threatening language, I have tried to communicate but my mother-in-law's attitude seems to be like she is the mother of the kids ...... What should I do?
The difficulties you encountered are really a bottleneck for many families in Taiwan. The older generation loves their grandchildren, but their strong desire to possess and their outdated parenting styles can leave mothers caught in the middle at a loss.
Maybe you have thought about the first solution but can't do it, which is to move out with your husband and children, but I encourage you to make this your ultimate goal and talk to your husband about it, maybe not now but in the future, when the financial situation or the external environment is better, you can live in your mother-in-law's neighborhood for easy access to care and not have to put up with the low air pressure every day.
But before you can start a small family, I would advise you to ignore your grand mom and grandchildren, although your grand mom's parenting style or the way she speaks may make you uncomfortable, but remember that all is well in a family and since you can't communicate, you have to accept it.
Don't spoil our own parent-child relationship when dealing with our children, get the intimacy and secure attachment between you and your child right, then let your child establish their interaction pattern with their grand mom, your child will grow up to know how to get along with their grand mom, and how to get along with you, they are very smart, and it doesn't have to be a bad influence.
When dealing with my mother-in-law, we have always mastered the art of sandwich-talking, making her feel safe and secure with our words, making her feel that she still has value in the family, and making her feel that we value everything she has given us. It takes a lot of courage and strength to say or do these friendly gestures, but we can use positive words to defeat the power of negative words. But we can use positive words to defeat the power of negative words.
No matter how dangerous the world around you and the future may be, as long as you play the role of a warm haven, God will surely bring your child an anchor through you, and you will be able to accomplish any great things.
Pediatric Infectious Diseases - Dr. Darlene Wong
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