"Parenting』Children who refuse to go to school

Yawen (pseudonym)'s mom has only experienced pale puberty, and when her aunt and uncle gossiped, "Once a child enters puberty, it's like being abducted by aliens, and the sweet and considerate little person she used to be will completely change overnight," she heard all the horrific and exaggerated "nonsense" and looked at her daughter as if she had come out of a fairy tale. When she heard all the horrible and exaggerated "nonsense" and looked at her daughter, who looked as if she had stepped out of a fairy tale, although she had a smile on her face, she was still skeptical of her mother-in-law's words and could not imagine what her little princess would become.

God has always been patient with these beautifully imagined skeptics and has always allowed time to reveal the truth. When the former perfect child's height slowly pushed into the mom, not only gradually fulfilled the mother-in-law's mother's prophecy, but also spiced up the performance, not only the moody, but also seemingly cool, but not cool, strange atmosphere.

There is nothing greater in the world than the tolerance of parents, who are in an abyss, waiting for their daughters, who are like hedgehogs. Until one day, the child who used to carry her backpack to school unwillingly, suddenly declares that she won't go to school, and plays a new game of refusing to go to school at the dinner table every morning. Though mom's polite advice and dad's stern threats created some pushback, the chances of losing the battle were getting higher and higher. Finally, when that little push was no longer enough, a phone call woke me up from my sleep.

The one thing that made her parents feel alive was the fact that this extremely awkward girl was willing to talk to me, a strange grandmother. The winter face of the young girl was as cold as winter, and her willingness to respond to me in one way or another allowed the psychologist to let go of her apprehension, and gradually unraveled the layers of problems that had piled up in the course of the conversation.
A religious teacher once said, "It is said that the smaller the dog, the more likely it is to bite its owner when held in his arms than a big, strong, aggressive dog. The reason for this is that small dogs, due to their size, can easily perceive danger and will naturally resort to self-protective behavior when they feel their lives are threatened. Large dogs, on the other hand, are stronger and more robust, so they are less likely to be at risk and less likely to activate their defense mechanisms to protect themselves."
Human beings and their most loyal dog friends have something in common in the area of security; the more fragile and helpless a mind is, the more it will put on airs and graces on the outside and act like a hedgehog that no one can touch.

a beautiful plan for people's hearts

Robert Josephs, a professor at the University of Texas, summarized his findings: A man's self-esteem stems from his ability to be independent without relying on anyone. But a woman's self-esteem comes from her ability to maintain friendships and get along with others in social groups, making her a popular interpersonal expert. Therefore, when she has social problems or conflicts with others, it is the biggest shock and crisis in a woman's life, especially when she is growing up. When a girl faces an enemy she doesn't like, or who is a potential threat to her beauty, authority, intelligence and charisma, she can often make good use of her naturally advantageous frontal lobes and anterior cingulate to carry out the "social isolation" strategy that girls fear the most, so that her opponent will become the most unpopular and isolated person in a flash.

A-game vs.

Bullies who like to bully others are usually seen by teachers or other parents as "problem" children with low grades, poor interpersonal relationships, rude and brutal behavior, low emotional control, easy to act on impulse, and weak self-discipline. Their targets are usually unlucky people they have never met before, just because they are unlucky enough to appear on the wrong occasion at the wrong time.

However, the "big sisters" who bully are usually good girls in the eyes of their parents and teachers. They have good social skills, are well-liked, courteous to elders, get good grades, and are smart. The target of their evil, hurt, is often their own social circle of familiar and good friendship with the girl. Unlike the recklessness and randomness of boys, girls will usually target the weaknesses of their "potential enemies" and carefully plan to hurt them without leaving any traces, such as spreading rumors, gathering their sisters and using the "invisible man" strategy to isolate the victim's interpersonal relationships, so that she will swim in the sea of pain because of the drying up of her friendships. In this story, Ah Man is a victim of the "island" of school, where she lives every day.

So when your delicate and sensitive daughter cries that she is isolated from her classmates at school and plagued by rumors, don't laugh it off as a minor problem. Although you can't bear the pain of loneliness for her, at least immediately adopt the strategy of soothing, listening and empathizing with her, and she will know that you value her feelings, and will work with her to find another way out of her life. Let her know that there will always be family members whose blood is thicker than water to accompany her through all the ups and downs of life.

Teacher Ms. Wang Xiuyuan From Mandarin Newspaper