The author's American friend's child, who was studying in the first grade in an elementary school in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, accidentally left his homework from the previous day and the drawing utensils he needed for that day at home, and forgot to bring them to school one day.
Teach children to think and encourage them to face problems
When the child realized it at school, he called the author's friend and said, "Dad, I left my homework at home and forgot to bring it with me, can you please help me to bring it to school? My friend's response to the child made the author remember for a long time. He said to the child, "I think it's great that you can use the word 'please'! However, the homework you should have done and the painting tools you should have prepared are your own responsibilities".
The friends also told the child that they hoped he could use this opportunity to think about how to explain to the teacher why and how the incident happened, what possible ways to handle the situation, what would be a reasonable punishment, how to avoid similar problems in the future, and how to borrow American labor equipment from his classmates, and so on. Some people even said to their children, "I'm glad you had this opportunity to think about how to deal with a similar problem, congratulations!
Concepts need to be adjusted, guidance instead of spoiling.
The author can't help but think, if the same situation happened in China, the reaction of Taiwanese parents would usually be one of two types: the first one is to advise their children earnestly, hoping that they won't commit the same offense next time; the other one is to reprimand them with a loud voice: "Why did you forget to bring it with you again? How many times has this happened? Don't do it again!". Regardless of the response, after a few words of advice or reprimand, parents usually "behave" and go home to help their children bring home the previous day's homework and the art supplies they should have prepared for school that day; if they are more careful, they may even double-check if there are any mistakes in their homework and if they need to put another sharpened pencil in their pencil case. It seems difficult to see parents saying "congratulations" to their children and reminding them to take advantage of a rare learning opportunity and to learn how to deal with forgetfulness.
Letting go is a process that fosters a responsible attitude
Interestingly, there was a continuation of this father-son conversation, as the child complained to his father, "Mom is better because she always reminds me to remember to put on my homework and things I should prepare for the day before, but dad doesn't do that. Dad, you are not doing your part either! After hearing this, the author's best friend did not get angry, instead, she just gently raised the corner of her mouth and responded to the child, "As long as I have to finish the homework assigned by the teacher, I will always finish it before the deadline. However, it is your responsibility, not mine, to prepare the equipment for the homework and art class this time. My friend suggested to the child that he should think about whether he should choose to continue with his dad or to solve his own problems, and he believed that he would be able to make the best judgment and choice.
Resisting the urge to help out, it's a great way of practicing your independence.
Parents in Chinese society tend to be "helicopter parents" in their parenting style, that is, they want to "help" their children to do well in school. Therefore, parents often can't help their children with their homework, summer and winter vacation assignments and art works, forgetting that it is a good time to cultivate their children's "responsibility", "initiative" and "independence" at that time. Therefore, the author always reminds herself and other parents, "Parents should know how to let go of their children before they can learn to be mature! Do you think so?
English 
繁體中文 
日本語 
한국어