"Parenting - Adults are most responsible for children's behavior.

Author: Xu Xiuying

Most of the children of this generation enjoy ample recreation, food, education, healthcare ......, yet they are often described as the "angry generation". Instead of being grateful, some of them are contemptuous and hostile to the older generation who provided all these good things with their hands and feet, and they are even out of control, learning at a low level, addicted to cybercafes, addicted to drugs, sexually promiscuous, gang-fighting, killing and maiming themselves.

There is an old saying, "Jade cannot be made into a tool unless it is cut, and people do not know righteousness unless they learn", and "Failure to teach is a father's fault; failure to teach is a teacher's laziness". In the schools I have served, I have seen many cases of highly respected and recognized teachers who have mastered the educational philosophy of "love, discipline and independence", which can be summarized as follows:

Selfless, unconditional love: Children are very innocent and can easily feel from the teacher's words and actions that they are genuinely cared for, not because of his good performance or external conditions, but because of him. Trust, support, tolerance, encouragement and barrier-free communication, without concepts or prejudices, unconditional acceptance, that is, caring for them, that is, wishing for their well-being, this great love includes the class next door, the whole school, and any child in another school... no matter when or where.

I don't want to be rewarded or praised for my silent contribution. The greatest satisfaction and reward is to see everyone and society get better. From this, children will learn the teacher's values, which will be the greatest asset in their future lives.

Discipline: Students have a greater respect for strict teachers (who can keep the class under control without relying on high-pressure tactics) because a chaotic classroom makes students feel insecure and less able to learn effectively. Children have a sense of justice, admire teachers who enforce the law, and are willing to accept reasonable group rules.

1. Establishment of prestige: to establish students' respect, love (teachers should also set an example) and obedience to the teacher, it is possible to exert the influence of the teacher to produce educational effects.
2. Criticism of behavior: directed at the person's words and actions, not involving a judgment of his or her personal value.
3. Adherence to principles: to establish a set of commonly accepted rules of the game that are fair and unbiased, and that are not inconsistent with teachers' emotions and likes and dislikes.

Third, education after punishment: Tell him why he was punished and how important he is to his teacher. Based on the teacher's love, this kind of incident will break the teacher's heart. It is important for students to understand what is appropriate behavior and how to avoid repeating it.

The fewer commands the better: Educational methods should be based on certain principles, not a bunch of rules. Rambling all day long can become an ineffective habit, and it's unwise to get angry too often. The child observes what happens when the teacher is angry - is it hysteria? Is it a bluff? Is it a lack of skill? Or is it a habit? A better approach is to demand behavior by action, and to be consistent, fair, and consistent, and to warn only once, so that all students are clear about the boundaries of behavior.

Fifth, do not spoil: excessively harsh discipline, the consequences are unbearable; but extreme indulgence, always worrying about whether it will hurt the child's self-esteem, this is also harmful to the child. There is a very philosophical and caring primary school teacher who always advocates "open education", but his classroom order is a mess. This reminds me of the Xia Shan School's emphasis on "free learning" and "honestly facing one's own life." However, when students go on to higher education or go out into the community, they find that their intellectual development is not as good as that of others, and that the things they learn in school, the principles of conduct, and the concepts of human behavior are not the same as those they face in the real world, then they will probably develop a sense of maladjustment and a sense of uncertainty about themselves; these pressures will result in unhappiness, which is not the same as the "happiness" advocated by the Xia Shan School. These pressures can lead to unhappiness, which is contrary to the "happiness" advocated by the Summerhill School. Therefore, such an approach may be too extreme.

Self-management and independent learning: Students need to know their rights and obligations, and they need to be clear about what they can and should do, when and where they can do it, or else they need to bear the consequences and responsibilities. To "learn" means to learn one's own responsibilities, not because "there is no reward, my mother is not watching me, I don't understand what the teacher teaches me, because others are doing the same thing (e.g., not obeying the rules, not writing homework ......)," and so on, as a reason for "so I don't pay attention". Students can achieve self-control, self-discipline, self-requirement and self-management, which is an ideal state of education.

Children are the hope of families and society, but they need to be educated. In schools we see many excellent and professional teachers, but occasionally we see cases of teacher-student conflict and improper discipline; in fact, the educational trend is like a pendulum swinging between strict teaching and permissive indulgence. Parents and teachers all want the best for their children, but love and discipline should not be neglected, and we need to learn how to teach children. Adults should take the greatest responsibility for their children's learning and behavior.