"Parenting" Seven Golden Rules for Raising Children

There are more and more signs that the new concept of respecting and encouraging children is sweeping across Taiwan, but it is being interpreted by some as "little control" or "no control," resulting in the teaching of "bullies," "crayons," and young people who hurt or injure themselves or even kill others. The situation in the United States is similar to that in Taiwan, where spoiled children are like bullies, leading more and more psychological and educational experts to develop a newer educational theory called "Reasonable Discipline". Parents should teach their children the concept of "discipline" based on love. According to Steinberg, a professor of psychology, the most common mistakes in parenting are "insufficient involvement" and misunderstanding the meaning of "treating the child as a friend", which means letting him/her go free, thus failing to keep track of the child's behavior and whereabouts. The concept of "child-centeredness" has become an excuse to condone bad behavior, according to Professor Damon, author of Expecting More from Your Child. In fact, education should be both sensitive and strict, and if parents are guided and disciplined, they can prevent their children from getting into physical and mental trouble. Family psychologist Rosamund pointed out that during the developmental period of a child's personality, parenting requires the right amount of vitamin N. In other words, parents should be brave enough to say "NO" to their children, so that the children can learn to distinguish between what they can do and what they can't do. Comprehensive expert advice, reasonable management
Teach, parents have 7 golden rules:
1. Be a parent, not a friend.
The first thing parents should do is not just to be their child's friend, because the meaning of "parent" is to set rules for the child, so that he understands where the "bottom line" is. According to the American psychologist Horn, a child needs a "leader" who teaches him how to solve problems, not a "friend" who just listens to him complaining about his pain and crying, but is unable to do anything about it. Biddulph, an Australian parenting expert, also said that children need to know what the rules are and who is in charge of the family so that they can grow up with a sense of security. The so-called "respect for children" does not mean letting children do whatever they want, and "treating children as friends" does not mean not teaching them rules and etiquette. Otherwise, children will easily follow their human tendency to advocate "what's wrong with liking it as long as it's okay", and will not know how to respect their parents, nor will they respect other people," said education scholar Wei Shidai, adding that she was not convinced that "modern parents too often tell their children that they are sorry. It is common for professional women to rush home at 7:00 p.m. and say to their children, "I'm sorry, I haven't cooked dinner yet," while the children who complain that their mothers don't come home early enough to cook dinner are all over ten years old and still watching TV and don't know how to do housework.
2. Early Demonstration
Children need to be disciplined from a young age. If we do not set rules for them when they are young, they will resist when they grow up and will not be able to be disciplined. The attitude of discipline should be consistent, especially avoiding bargaining with the child, otherwise the child will think that the rules and principles are negotiable, and once they have had the experience of such "negotiation", they will be convinced of their parents, and parenting will of course become empty talk.
3. spend time with your child
To love and raise a child is to get along with the child. Many parents over-emphasize the importance of getting along with their children, emphasizing that "quality" is enough, and spending time with their children is just a slapdash way of getting together, but when the child encounters a problem and needs someone to talk to him or her, the parents are nowhere to be found. Remember that problems don't wait for anyone, and quality time should not be used as an excuse to replace the time a child wants to spend with his or her parents. According to Steinberg, a professor of psychology, "Children who spend more time with their parents generally do better.
4. controlling electronic media
Studies have found that 22-34% of young offenders in the U.S. consciously mimic the criminal techniques seen on television. In fact, it is not uncommon for children to be subjected to a variety of pornographic and violent messages from violent cartoons, TV movies, variety shows, and even news reports, imitating the media's gender-intimate behaviors, and for teenagers to learn the vulgar language used by TV hosts and kill people without remorse. Another 12-year study also found that people who watched a lot of violent TV programs had a higher tendency to commit crimes, be aggressive and punish their children severely later in life. "It is a great misfortune for modern youth that popular culture has replaced the functions of parents, religion and schools in providing sex education," Steinberg lamented. American psychologist Karen Caron advocates that parents should regulate when and what their children watch on TV in order to prevent their children from being influenced. The American Medical Association suggests that parents should not only monitor the content of their children's TV programs, but also limit the time they watch to two hours a day.
5. know what your child is doing
Unsupervised children at home are a very serious problem. In the absence of adults, children are indeed prone to deviant behaviors, such as breaking windows in the neighborhood or stealing sheep. Even if the adults are at home but do not know what the children are doing, it is also very dangerous. There are elementary school students making pornographic phone calls, teenagers downloading pornographic pictures on the Internet, online dating and being lured out of the house and so on, all of which the family members are doing behind closed doors at home. However, if you can arrange your child's after-school activities and make good use of your family, neighbors, friends, and other back-up support, you can rest assured even for families with two incomes.
6. Don't misunderstand the meaning of "protecting your child's self-esteem".
The real "affirmation of personal self-esteem" comes from the fact that the person actually achieves something, not from the fact that he is praised for everything. A Little League player who doesn't do his job in the outfield doesn't get to share in the glory, even if his team wins. Prof. Damon believes that many parents are so quick to make their children stars that the term "preserving a child's self-esteem" has lost its true meaning. According to the American Fatherhood Association, children who are too protected are unable to solve problems on their own. Some parents, in an effort to make their children happy, are so protective of them that they praise them even when they don't make a special effort, leaving them without the opportunity to learn from their mistakes and frustrations how to deal with difficulties and their own emotions. Many experts believe that children need proper self-esteem, otherwise, if they cannot bear the setbacks, they will become depressed or hurt themselves. The age of depression is moving towards teenagers, and suicide is becoming a trend that parents around the world should be aware of.
7. No divorce
An intact family is a positive influence on a child's development. Parents' efforts to stay married are one of the most important things they can do to help their children grow and adjust. Princeton University sociology professor Michael McRae found that children from single-parent families are twice as likely to drop out of school, and girls from single-parent families are 2.5 times more likely to be unwed mothers than children from other families. These children are more likely to be in trouble with the law, more likely to drop out of school when they grow up, and less likely to be able to establish stable relationships with others. The researchers pointed out that not all single-parent families have problems, but they are still worse than good marriages. A good parental relationship not only gives children a sense of security, but also makes it much easier for them to be disciplined by both parents than by a single parent.