"Parenting - Going to school and making new friends

September is the beginning of a new school year. Is your child going to daycare or kindergarten? Entering a new environment is a test, no matter how old they are. The first thing parents need to do is to help your child build new relationships and make new friends.

If your parents ask your 4-year-old child, "Who is your best friend? The answer may be different every day! It's not that your child doesn't like the old and the new and is incapable of maintaining friendships. Friends at this age come and go quickly. Before exploring new relationships, it's important for parents to understand how preschoolers make and keep friends.

3~4歲的幼兒，已開始脫離以自我為中心的思考模式，逐漸對週遭的人產生濃厚的興趣。他會特別喜歡跟年紀相近的孩子一起玩。他選擇的朋友，通常就在他的身邊。例如是坐在他旁邊的，或是正好今天他一起搭積木的那個人。

By the time children reach kindergarten age, they begin to understand the special bonds between friends, and they can play games together and share common interests. At this point, the rate of making new friends slows down, the targets become more selective, and the quality of the friendships becomes deeper.

Friends are playmates, but they are also learning objects.

同儕關係對兒童整體的發展是相當重要的， 朋友不僅是玩伴，同時也幫助孩子滿足其他的需求。透過與朋友交往的過程，孩子學會一些待人處事的態度及方法。例如怎樣加入新團體、結交新朋友、參與團體、與人共識， 及如何面對競爭與衝突。友誼還有助於孩子的自我探索，情緒和社會性的成長，及道德的發展。

Although children can learn from their parents, teachers, or other adult interactions, the relationship between adults and children is usually top-down, with adults having more authority. However, the relationship between adults and children is usually a top-down one, with adults having more authority, and children tend to obey and do what they are told. However, a child's relationship with his or her peers is one of equality, which provides more opportunities to practice coordination and autonomy.

Life is happy when you have good friends.

Children spend about 40 hours a week with their classmates. Most children have one, two, or even a few good friends. Friendships nourish children's lives and make them happy. However, according to some studies of child friendship in the United States, about 10% of children do not have friends. Some of these children are invisibly ignored by their peers because they are extremely shy and not good at interacting with others. Some of these children are even labeled as "rejects" by their classmates. These "rejected" children are often emotionally disturbed. They tend to feel lonely and have low self-confidence. They are more likely to suffer from depression than other children.

After a long period of tracking and investigation, scholars have found that "rejected" children are prone to encounter more problems in the course of growing up, such as becoming dropouts, juvenile delinquents, or even suffering from mental illnesses. So, how can we help our children make friends?

Participating in group activities is the best way to make friends

The best way to make new friends is to start by participating in group activities. For example, a group of people playing ball games or games together. Starting with positive interactions diffuses the awkwardness of strangers and gives each other a chance to get to know each other. Normal children understand that friendships take time to build, and they have the confidence and willingness to wait and match each other's pace to become good friends.

On the contrary, children who are "rejected" have less self-confidence, are unable to wait patiently, and are afraid of being rejected. They tend to force others to "become" their good friends, which in turn causes resentment from the other party, and they lose the opportunity to become good friends.

To give your child a chance to spend time with others, allow your child to invite children to your home to play and have as much real interaction as possible. For younger children, build blocks and play house. Try to avoid video games or internet games, as they tend to make children obsessed with reflexes and overly concerned with winning and losing, and there is no real interaction between children.

Cultivate the traits of a good person in your child.

A well-liked and popular child usually possesses more positive personality traits, such as: empathy, caring, respect for others' opinions, acceptance of different views, support for others' decisions, non-judgmental, willingness to participate and cooperate with others, honesty, loyalty, responsibility, and humor. It is not necessary for a child to have every one of these traits, but having a few more of them will make it easier for the child to make friends.

Children who are "rejected" are more self-centered, do not know how to care for others, and are less empathetic. They also often display negative behaviors such as bragging, showing off, criticizing others, and being jealous. The most serious negative behavior is aggression. If someone is particularly aggressive, he or she will become the "rejected" target.

If parents want to know about their child's relationship with peers, they should talk to their children more often and communicate with each other. You can also observe your child's interactions with others and take advantage of opportunities for education and counseling. Point out your child's positive and popular behaviors, and if you find negative behaviors, discuss them with your child in private so that he or she can understand the feelings that the negative behaviors bring to the other person, and so that he or she can think about how to respond to similar situations with a positive attitude.

Teaching children to introduce themselves and talk

開學時，面對新的老師，新的同學，有的孩子會擔心或害怕。所以爸媽可以在開學前，為孩子做好心理準備。如果孩子說他擔心：新的老師或同學會不喜歡他。首先爸媽要接納孩子的感受，然後教他如何跨出第一步「認識」同學。教他先自我介紹，再請教對方的姓名；跟孩子想些有趣的話題，讓他可以和對方交談；爸媽也可以跟孩子一起玩角色扮演，例如 ：

The child says, "My name is Li Xiaohua. I like to read The Hungry Caterpillar. How about you?

Mom and Dad say, "My name is Ying. My family also has The Good Hungry Caterpillar.

Once your child is mentally prepared and knows how to cope with the new environment, he or she will be able to reduce anxiety, go to school happily, and meet new people naturally.

摘自學前教育月刊文/林欣慧