[Parenting] You can tell good parenting by looking at your parents.

A student who had graduated and started his own business came to visit me on Teacher's Day, and he was very unhappy because the daily clinic was so unchallenging, half overweight children, half overactive children.

He said, "I told my parents that they should be more disciplined in their diet and not to give them snacks, but they couldn't stick to it, and they surrendered as soon as their children started arguing. I told them that their tastes when they were young would affect their choices when they grew up. People who ate fried chicken and hamburgers every day when they were young would of course give priority to fried chicken and hamburgers when they grew up. How can they not get fat if they eat every day? Children who are not disciplined when they are young will of course not listen to their teachers when they grow up, and will do whatever they want to do, which in the eyes of others will become excessive. Parents think that being obedient to their children is good parenting, but in fact, they are bad parents who are harming their children. The more he talked, the more agitated he became, and I can't blame him, this is a very serious myth.

Norbert Elias, a sociologist, observed that in the 50 years between 1939 and 1989, the biggest change in society was the transfer of power from parents to their children. 50 years ago, parents seldom spoke to their children with a question (Is it okay?). Nowadays, parents no longer tell their children what to do, but ask for permission (It's getting late, turn off the TV and go to bed, okay?). Since it's a question, the child thinks he can disagree, so he'll say, "No, I want to watch it, let me watch it for five more minutes. If you say, "Turn off the TV and go to bed," this is a command. If you say, "Turn off the TV and go to bed," it's a command, so your child won't bargain.

He thinks that the tone can be mild but the attitude should be firm.

他同時認為父母不是孩子的朋友，朋友是平輩，互惠平等的，親子關係不應該是互惠平等的朋友關係。你可以告訴你的孩子不要看電視，他不能叫你不要看電視。

艾力厄斯認為，今日很多的過動兒其實是從小缺乏家教，養成習慣後，不服管教。 至於小時後的口味會影響長大後的選擇，我們在實驗室的動物身上看到。如果把一個新奇的食物和一個熟悉的食物放在一起，老鼠會毫不猶豫的去吃牠幼年時熟悉的食物，老鼠對從來沒有吃過的東西會非常小心，先吃一小口，24小時沒事後，再回去吃一小口。

If parents give their children various kinds of green vegetables when they are young, they are less likely to reject them when they grow up. If they eat fried chicken and hamburgers when they are young, they will miss this kind of food from time to time, just like we miss beef noodles, big cakes and oyster omelette in our hometowns when we stay at school, and this kind of childhood love is imprinted in our brains. Parents should not surrender quickly just because their children are crying.

A recent study found that the most important factor in developing good behavior in children is not the severity of discipline, but rather the degree of parental involvement in the child's life. Parents who are not involved in their children's lives are the most likely to be physically abusive, and their children will have the most problems in the future. According to this report, parents are guardians, supervising and protecting their children to make them grow up safely, educating them and opening up their horizons. A well-functioning family is not a democratic family, but one in which parents and children have their own roles to play, and children do not have the right to vote on important matters because they are not yet adults and need guidance. Parents should be role models for their children. If you come home and eat every day, your children will naturally eat a balanced diet; if you set an example, your children will naturally obey your discipline.

Text/Professor Hong Lan