"Parenting": Praise and guidance for your child's self-confidence.

"Parenting 』 Praise and guidance for children's self-confidence Abstracted from Pre-school Education Monthly
Excessive criticism or blaming can damage a child's self-confidence, and inappropriate praise can lead to an inflated ego. Only specific praise and pertinent advice can make a child confident and capable.
One day, An An's mom came to pick him up from kindergarten. An An took his artwork and couldn't wait to show it to his mom. An An's artwork was really good for a 5 year old, and there were a lot of little things that showed that An An had put a lot of thought into his artwork. Mom listened to An An's explanation of how he made the artwork, and at the same time, she carefully looked at the artwork at .......
The way a parent responds affects a child's motivation.
You may have encountered this kind of scene, if you are An An's parents, how will you respond?
Generally speaking, there are three types of reactions from parents:
1. Corrective parents. This type of parent is a true believer in the concept of "love is deep, but responsibility is deep" and believes that in order to help their child learn well, they must do their best to point out areas of improvement, so that the child will make more progress next time. So the parents' response is: "You did this labor yourself, didn't you? Look at you, there are too many things on this side, they are all mixed up and very messy; and that side is not glued properly, it's falling down. Why are you so careless? Remember to glue it well next time."
2. the parent who gives empty praise. This type of parent is convinced that they need to encourage their child in everything, and that the more encouragement they give, the better their child will do. Their response is, "Wow! Your work is great! I knew you were the smartest one in the class. Who can beat you? You're the best, aren't you?"
3. Parents who give specific praise and give pertinent advice. This type of parent uses specific praise, not only pointing out the child's strengths, but also adding pertinent suggestions to help the child improve his/her weaknesses. When a child presents his or her artwork to this type of parent, their response is usually to take a few moments to admire the child's artwork and then tell the child, "You worked so hard on this artwork in class today, and the two colors look really good together. Hey, this place is not glued properly, it's going to fall off! This place is not well glued, it's falling down, you need to put some white glue on it, let's fix it when you go home later. This is a very cute piece of artwork, can you give it to me?
Parents should support their children's enthusiasm for learning.
Preschoolers are eager to try out many things because they haven't experienced too many setbacks yet. They have a very high level of enthusiasm for learning and confidence in their own abilities. As long as children are allowed to do more things on their own, they will be able to accumulate a wealth of life experience. The cycle of "those who can work more and those who work more" is a virtuous cycle of growth. When a child is able to do something well, he will have more confidence in himself. However, it is important to remember that since children are just starting to learn, their performance cannot be assessed from an adult's point of view. Parents should focus more on the lessons learned during the learning process rather than the final outcome. For example, every great painter started out by doodling when they were young, so parental support and care is even more valuable at this age.
Negative messages can make children think they're not good enough.
Often, the way parents treat their children is just a matter of thought. Since the Chinese believe that we should be humble and low-key in our dealings and not make too much of a fuss over our children, some parents, in order to teach their children to be humble, not only don't give them praise, but also point out the areas that need to be improved, or purposely kill their children's vitality.
In fact, parents are still happy with their child's performance, but the behavior they display sends a negative message to the child, making him think that he is not doing well enough. If the child doesn't understand the parents' intentions, doesn't get their approval and encouragement, and the parents repeatedly ignore the child's good performance, the child's self-confidence will decline and his or her motivation to try new things will disappear.
Point out your child's heart and strengths when praising them.
Many people have the myth that praise makes children happy and helps them learn better. However, some recent studies on praise have summarized some different results: not all praise is effective, and excessive and false praise can cause children to inflate their egos and become low achievers.
When a child becomes accustomed to excessive praise, he or she is unable to objectively assess his or her own abilities, and when a challenge fails and he or she suddenly realizes that he or she is not as good as he or she thought, he or she may experience an internal conflict of self-perception. In order to resolve this difficulty, the child may act in an arrogant and dismissive manner and cover up his or her inner panic. Over time, the child will be reluctant to accept new challenges.
The most effective way to praise your child is simple. The secret is to point out what your child has done well, or what he or she is good at. When parents want to praise their children, they should think carefully about what their children have done well and point out what they have done well, so that the child will repeat the same behavior next time and do better. In addition, preschoolers are just beginning to develop many of their abilities and have little experience in life. Parents' affirmation and encouragement help children to recognize and accumulate good experiences and improve their abilities.
Correcting shortcomings and utilizing the "sandwich" rule
Guiding children to improve their weaknesses is also one of the most important tasks of parents. As long as parents make good use of the "sandwich" principle - praise + guidance + praise - first praise the child's performance, then add suggestions and encouragement, this is the way parents interact with their children with specific praise and pertinent suggestions.
If you're trying to build a close parent-child relationship with your child but feel uncomfortable or don't know where to start, you're trying to change an old habit and learn to treat your child in a different way. Try harder; maybe you can't immediately point out what your child is doing well, or you can't get rid of the "advice goes against the grain" habit, so you might want to think more about the conversation you're having with your child tomorrow, and think about how your child is behaving. When parents gradually change, learn to recognize the child first, point out areas for improvement, and emphasize your appreciation of him, then the child will also be more confident because of your change.